2011: The year of living conciously

...I think this is going to be my coming out post...

I have an idea for the new year.  2010 was supposed to be my year and let's just be honest: it wasn't.  I'm going to try my damnedest to make 2011 better than this past year and finally reclaim my life as it should be.

SO.  What I'm going to do is each day I'm going to...

1. Challenge myself in some way and tell my crazy voices to suck it

2. Do something good for myself because I DO deserve it, and

3. Do something good for someone else, be they family, friend, or stranger

I think this is going to be really good for me, if I stick to it.  I'll also start taking pictures and such and get down to some REAL blogging, not just the namby-pamby flim-flammery I've been doing as of late. Not that you'd know because I was all closeted and such, but now I'm getting down to business, forealz.

I think it'd be neat to wait until January 1st to start these goals, but at the same time I want to get started on them now.  So...until the 1st, it'll just be practice, kay?  ;]

Here's a few post-Christmas pictures of all my presents and some recent food creations, if you're interested.

 Because who doesn't love waffles?

 Even if they are slightly crisped the first time around

 Microwave biscuit!  (1 egg, biscuit mix, water + radiation)  I topped this with coconut butter and honey, and need I say that it was fantastic?  I thought not.

Though this next dish might take a bit of convincing.

 What is it?!  Sludge?  Baby poo?

 No, just some chococado pudding.  (1 avocado, cocoa powder, Splenda + food procession)  It's good, I promise!  Ultra creamy and drool worthy.

But grilled bananas are good too, especially when dipped in peanut butter, if the avocado thing is too wild for you.

If you're wondering why I post these pictures, it's not to showcase my eating or anything.  Mostly I just like to share some of the more creative eats I come up with and encourage people to go out of their comfort zone and try new foods or dishes, particularly of the healthy sort.  Food is fun for me, I love playing with it, and I want to share that love with the world!

So that's that.  That's my new blog premise and there's some pretty pictures, as promised.  And now I bid you adieu.  See you tomorrow!

Christmas Wonderful

Yesterday morning I got up and realized that it was CHRISTMAS!

There was snow on the ground half a foot deep and presents innumerable under the tree.  I waited for about an hour until my sister arrived with her boyfriend and my granny, and then when we finally did we STILL didn't get to open presents.  They had brought their nasty dog, a rat terrier/chihuahua mix, and he pooped right in the middle of the kitchen floor as soon as he walked in.  Doesn't that just sound like a scene out of Meet the Parents or something?

Anyways.  I got a haul and everyone seemed to really appreciate the gifts I gave them.  I wrote a poem for my parents describing how they met and fell in love and put it in a homemade frame, along with getting them a few other things like chocolates and a charm bracelet for my mom and LIFE: Our Century in Pictures for my dad.  I got not one but TWO ice cream makers, a waffle iron, clothes, gift cards, a single-serve blender, a diamond necklace from my mom (so beautiful--I cried!),  a few video games, a box of Godiva, an Xbox Kinect.  Cool stuff, no?  They spoil me, they really do.  Then later on we all toyed with the Kinect and ate and laughed and played Apples to Apples and just made some general merry.

And what about all the other stuff?  That intangible emotional stuff you don't see?  Well, let me tell ya.

It was fine.

I got up and decided I would not let my eating disorder ruin my day, like it had in Christmas' past.  I decided to put my foot down and follow my meal plan, despite the fact that I wanted to let it slide for a day just so I could be happy around my family.  I allowed myself to have a day to be happy, and I was.  No restriction, no meltdowns.  I even allowed myself to have a couple pieces of the Godiva!  Coconut ganache, dark chocolate fondant...ohhhh, I swoon.

So that was my day.  :]  I hope yours was good as well.

Warm fuzzies

It's Christmas Eve, the most peaceful and cozy night of the year.  People around the globe are tucked into their beds awaiting the morning and looking forward to the joy that tomorrow brings.

My dad asked me to watch a movie with him tonight.  I didn't want to at first.  I didn't want to sit there for two hours watching some old Christmas movie when I had so many other things I needed to do, (wrap presents, shower, make dinner, finish the book I'm reading, do laundry), and I won't lie and say that my ed didn't factor into my reasons for abstaining.  I didn't want to just SIT for that long; I was still full from my last snack and I wanted to be up and moving and doing something productive, not just lying on the couch mindlessly staring at some television screen.

But then I reminded myself that this is one night out of the year.  It's Christmas Eve and my dad wanted to watch a movie with me to spend time with me because he loves me.  I realized that if I said no it would be yet another opportunity that I passed up because of ed, another potential memory to cherish when I'm old and my dad is gone.  We only have so long on this earth and I can't squander my chances to spend time with the ones I love, realizing one day that they're all dead and gone and I'll never have another chance to see them.

So I said yes.  It made my dad happy, I could tell.  We sat together on the couch and he held my hand in that loving dad way and suddenly I didn't care that I was just sitting there, rather than being "productive".  The time with my dad is worth more to me than a load of laundry or a chapter of a book.

I am so blessed.

Get your hoes outta here, pimp daddy, this is MY land!

I've yet to share the link to this blog with anybody.  Why?  Well...I'm not sure.  I like the anonymity of it at the moment.  It feels like my own secret garden, my own savage garden.  I can grow daffodils and buttercups or I can grow deadly nightshade and poison oak.  I can bring this whole place to life with just my imagination and the tops of my fingers.  It's almost like magic, my own kind of magic.  And it's all mine for now.  Mine, mine, mine.

Of course a month from now once I have shared it I'll probably come back and read this and be like, "Oh, silly girl!  Magic!  Pah!  It's just a blog, get over yourself, sheesh!"  :]  Heh...I know.  But I'll indulge in my fantasies while I can, kay?

Since this is all just me by my lonesome talking to the wind, I can feel free to say anything I want.  It's so freeing!  I can talk about how much I really loathe being around my mom, about how often all I can think about is how much better the world would be without me, about how I really really like dorky computer games and steampunk fiction.  I can talk about how my friend B isn't really a friend at all and how my dad is my sole reason for existing, at the moment.  I can talk about things like how I like to smoke weed...how I REALLY like to smoke weed...and how I think that a lot of people with eating disorders would benefit from a little natural healing. 

In short, I can talk about ANY DAMN THING that I want to!

But I'm just going to talk about a few things that make me happy, for now.

 Yogurt messes with peanut flour and pretzels and fresh blackberries

 Homemade coffee cake

 Craisin apricot balls

 More yogurt messes with cottage cheese and berries and kiwi

And, of course, my all time favorite creamy dairy product, pudding!  Caramel pudding with pumpkin and cranberries and cinnamon? You just made my night.

Getting the last of my truffles done for the holiday season also cheers me up quite a bit.  GOD, that was a lot more hassle than I thought it would be.  Next year I'm sticking to cookies.

Are the best things in life free?  That phrase just popped into my head and has got me thinking.  Hmph.  [insert heavy silence loaded with philosophical cognition here]  I'm going to say...no.  Everything has a price, be it monetary or of another sort.  Even love.  Love costs time and caring and effort on both ends, (unless you believe in that whole unconditional/unearned God love stuff.)  

Whatevs.  See, normally I wouldn't put that random little thought blurb in here because I'd deem it too unrelated and seemingly contrived to provoke thinking and shit, but like I said before...MY GARDEN.  

Now!  Off to dorkland for more adventure game thrills!

Salut, Enchanté

Welcome one, welcome all, welcome to my masquerade ball!  In the cover of night, in a guise of delight, I fight.  Strip back my mask, see the ashes inside, see the garden that once was, see the life that has died.  But sweep past the rubble, dig down to the ground, place your palm on the cold earth, feel the vibrations, the sound.  There's something living, an itching; perhaps hope?  It's shaking the earth with potential unknown...  But place back the cool mask and let the secret remain, lest we jinx this white whisper with too hurried a claim.  Now back away slowly, let the slick satin surround, fodder this flame in silence, we've found
A reason to fight, a current of life, incite.
Welcome love, welcome light; we unmask here tonight.

Hello, world!  This is the same Taylor you've all (hopefully) come to know and love from my former blog.  I have jumped ship and faked my blogger death, in a way, secretly establishing a new realm for myself where I am queen and my posts are my subjects.  This is no democracy; there are no higher powers, no eye in the sky, no one watching my moves making me censor what I write.  There are no checks and balances, no diplomacy or tact.  I will write what I write and leave it at that.  Self-indulgent?  Perhaps.  But do I care?  No.  This blog is my kingdom and I will treat it as so.

The purpose of this new blog is to be an unmonitored forum for my thoughts, be they good or bad, to be a sometimes gallery for my eats if i'm in the mood to play photographer, and to be a connecting point to all the other wonderful people in the blog world who understand whatever the hell I'm talking about, (kudos to you!  I'm so ridiculously riddled I can't understand myself half the time).

And so...welcome, welcome to Entranced on Entrance: rediscovering the world.