War

"How did you do it?"  They ask me, "how could you stand it?"

I'll tell you. 

It took determination.  It took grit and nerves of steel.  It took the power to transcend the physical and focus on only one goal, on only one ideal, and the willingness to forsake everything else in exchange. 

It took a cold heart and a clamped jaw.  A sacrificed identity and sullied reputation.  Ears that shut out the whispers, eyes that shut out the sight.  A mantra repeated day in and day out:

You are worthless, follow me.  I'll make you perfect, sanctified you'll be.

It took everything.

And it took everything. 

Yet it was nothing compared with trying to stop. 

Which begs me to ask...which battle is really the hardest to bear?  The battle fought of fear and self-loathing?  Or the battle fought of fear and desperation?  Or are they the same?  Both driven by terror at the ends of the other?

One in the body, one in the mind.  We'll fight to the death and I'll pray it's not mine.